Adversity does not give you prior notice. She just sneaks through the door and then engulfs your entire life. She is like the sudden storm you never saw coming, the unbecoming, crass, stubborn shit that you just have to deal with.
Adversity can be a hard nut to crack, you can't avoid it, you can't push it away, you just have to deal with it when she comes with all guns blazing. What do you do in these times of crisis? How do you deal with this extreme pain, loss of sanity, confusion, guilt, or whatever else she can make you feel? How can you deal with this?
This is a tough question to answer and also subjective as we all have ways to deal with hard times. The easier way would be avoidance through alcohol, drugs, and excessive indulgences like partying or binge eating. Wish there would be something or someone who would make it all go away, in an instant.
But life does not work out this way. The more we sweep things under the carpet, the more we dismiss our feelings, the more we hide and cower behind a protective shield, the strength and weight of the distress will keep increasing. In fact one may feel a temporary sense of relief having forgotten it, but then, once again, when you lest expect it, a similar situation will push you back to the beginning, the same stuff to deal with, and all because the lesson still hasn't been learnt. And karma will not rest, till you learn it.
So, what we can do is multi-fold. We can truly deeply pray for a resolution, for if this was not destined it would never have been. Therefore, one has to accept the truth of the matter, that this hardship is something that has been destined to be placed before you.
What can you do in this moment? A resolution means to understand what has happened and what one can do to remedy it? Asking 'why me' is self- defeating and can make you go on a spiral of self-loathing and self-deprecation, which will not help.
The world may throw a lot at you, the internet is all full of mumbo-jumbo that can make any situation more confusing and complicated. But what one can see and experience for oneself is what is important. When we seek external validation for our personal vicissitudes, we actually drain away the lesson that we neeed to learn from it. Within each seed of adversity lies the potential for deep learning and growth. To generalize it and seek external responses as a benchmark to compare to your own situation somehow diminishes that potential for personal individual growth and learning.
So become self- aware, take a distance and firstly admit that you are a human being undergoing the travails that humans go through. Also accept, that you have individual needs and desires that seek situations where those will be fulfilled, however different or strange it may be. Have you noticed, that this is how we even seek friends, groups and forge connections in life? The people whom we chose to connect with somehow help us manifest what we wish for ourselves.
Therefore, when the state of panic and distress in the face of adversity calms down, when the waters clear, when we have faced the entire brunt of the situation, and come out wounded and bleeding, that's when you know it's over. You have braved the worst, emotionally, spiritually and physically. You have left nothing to be swept under the carpet. You have faced adversity and the entire gamut of emotions she has stirred within you. When you can admit and see things for what they are, without guilt, shame or regret, is when you know you have learnt your lesson.
Also at this moment, you know you have healed. You have healed that inner you that was struggling, the warrior spirit has made you stronger. In truth, however hard it seems, looking at adversity in the eye is the only way we can tackle her and tame her.
To keep going, in spite of and even though, is the sign of a great warrior.
May each one of us find that inner strength to brave through life's toughest calls, which can either make you or break you. The choice is yours.
In Japan, the practice of repairing broken pottery with gold, silver or platinum is called Kintsugi. We have the power within ourselves to turn any stressful life situation into one that is joyous and freeing. We have the power to embrace the flaws that exist within ourselves and in others and see that all of us are inherently flawed. Nobody is perfect and as along as we can acknowledge that, we can accept the flaws within ourselves and fill it with liquid gold. We can change the narrative from one of oppression to one of positivity, that will bring you closer to the authentic self that is really, truly and remarkably YOU.