From infancy, the attempt of a baby is to gain as much autonomy as possible. The natural tendencies direct an infant to slowly become independent and these natural tendencies when fulfilled one by one make the child into an adult who is free in thought and action.
However, in families, as we grow up, in the process of disciplining the child and creating boundaries, and monitoring the child's growth oneself, parents actually come in the way of the child's growth and development. Unknowingly, they have marred that innate tendency of the child to discover the world in his/her own way and in his/her own time.
Then the next obstacle is our education system, especially in India, which does not give a lot of emphasis on the noteworthy individual traits of a child. Every child is placed in the same category and thus we have fruit salad instead of tasting and enjoying the benefits and qualities of the individual fruit.
Yes, your child is the fruit of your being. He is as beautiful and distinct as you are. Why not see him for who he is, rather than who you want him to be?
Are we giving more freedom and autonomy to our children or are we just preparing them to face this over- competitive world at any cost? Are we guiding and facilitating their inner aspirations or are we actually distancing them from their own inner selves?
Are we able to harmonize their strengths and fuel them so they can reach their potential in their own time or we are we dividing their interests by over-advising them and making them more confused than before?
These questions can haunt a parent forever. So many parents somehow feel distanced from their children and so many children today feel let down by their parents. It is a gap that just widens with time, and then one day you don't recognize that person at all! How can my child do this? How can he behave this way?
This blog is not to offer answers to these questions, but only to make one aware of the massive traumas children face in their lives later because of over-parenting, forcing him/her to blindly follow the rat race and taking away the child's own inner compass and making him wander in this world aimlessly meandering from job to job, not knowing where he wants to go or what he should be doing.
Maybe this blog will help prevent a few parents from making these mistakes. Maybe it could open the eyes to how that child whom you dictated what to do all his life, now is not capable of taking decisions on his own. How you cut his wings and then expected him to fly. How that child felt lost, helpless, and flustered to deal with the world on his own. How he tried day and night to make sense of things but was adrift because as a child he was always TOLD what to do and NOT QUESTION the adults around him.
The greatest injustice you can do to a child is telling him WHAT HE SHOULD BE DOING. Instead LISTEN to what he wants to say to you.
Today I'm glad to write and share my views with the world and I would love to hear what you have to say. Do email me or write in the comments below.
Thank you!